When you hug me, tell me you miss me, it feels like we were back to the first few months when we were so irrevocably in love with each other.
And then I feel like I’m ready to accept you again, hoping that maybe everything’ll be alright, and we can move on. Happy, loved. But honestly, I just think I made yet another wrong decision. I don’t think I’m ready. But how am I to tell you that now? Why and how did things get so complicated, I don’t know where to look or who to turn to anymore. It’s not a question, it’s a fact.
You spoke as if you were ready - to commit, to understand the fact that I’m going to be busy, real busy. I have school, CCA’s on Wed, Fridays and Saturdays. And of course I have my arts to focus on as well, not to mention photoshoots. I have a planned schedule, and we need all the time that I can spare together. Why don’t you understand? If I was free every single day like before like what used to be, I wouldn’t mind if we met on weekends. But I don’t now. So now I have to go a whole week without seeing you? Not once?
Don’t misunderstand me. I love you, I still do. But it’s little things like this that make me get all annoyed and irritated with you. You’re avoiding all these little things that can make us move forward in what we have together. Instead, you’re ignoring these details. Don’t you realise, I’m never going to be free on the days that you are anymore? Is understanding a word of the past? Or which century am I in now to even hope for that ?
I’m not angry. Disappointed. As always. Somehow everytime I place hope on you, on something, it falls back down on me, crushing me even more then the last time it did. How do I deal with this consecutively I will never know.
I really wish you’d know or find your priorities and stand in life.
Because I really feel like I’m stuck in the middle, doing all this just because I have to. And that feeling really sucks.
